goodbye Barb

I didn't want to write this entry, but the more I've thought about this the last two days, I couldn't NOT write about this. I hope anyone who's known Barb won't think it's inappropriate for me to write about this here. I'm still trying to process this sad news that a mutual friend shared with me on Wednesday, actually I don't think I'll ever really be able to process Barb not being around. I've been alternating between being really sad / shocked and being really angry with not being able to change this from having happened.

Barb didn't have to die, she was certainly waaaaaaaay too young (31). I'm not going to go into details as to what happened (not that I know a lot of them myself), but I've got to think that anyone who's known Barb, was saddened and shocked to hear about her death. Barb had a lot of friends and a really strong bond with her sister and her mother and any one of us would have been with her to help her with whatever she was going through had we known. I just saw Barb last Friday night at a local pub a group of my friends goes to and she seemed to be happy and I was talking to another friend on Wednesday (who also worked with her) and he said that just a couple of days ago they were sharing things that they wanted to do in the future.

I've known Barb for a number of years, but I didn't know her as well as some of her other friends, but I think her death shows that NO ONE really knows anyone else, hell a lot of us still don't know our own selves. I'm trying not to think too much about what led Barb to her death, I'm just sad that Barb was experiencing so much pain that I wasn't aware of or could do anything about to help her with.
For as long as I've known her, Barb's been involved in theater (and a really good artist / painter also, which I didn't discover until years after I'd known her), but mostly Barb was always a fun person to just be around, she definitely tried to live life to the hilt, and she would always be there for you if you needed her to be. I already miss Barb and the magnitude of Barb not being around hasn't even totally sunk in yet.

Right now my heart is breaking whenever I think of Janice (her sister), whom I've known longer than I've known Barb and her mother (whom I don't know that well, but from what I've heard is a tremendous person). Janice has a heart the size of which I couldn't even begin to describe to people that don't know her and as I've mentioned, she was always REALLY close to Barb. Whenever I've thought of Janice these past couple of days, it has taken everything within me not to break down emotionally in front of customers here at my store.

The best tribute I know of that I can do and implore others to do in Barb's memory is to tell and show those you love how much they mean to you and to extend every kindness to even people you don't know, because even if you're not experiencing hard times, someone is and as everything really is connected, others' hard times affect all of us. This Sunday, (December 21st) Barb was going to celebrate the Winter Solstice so if those of reading this (even if you never got to meet Barb) could send some positive thoughts out that day, I like to think that Barb will be aware of them.

Barb, you were loved, you had to know that, and you'll always be alive within all of us that have known you.